Love At First Glance (Love At Firsts Book 1) Page 19

  “I did NOT fuck Valentine. I can't believe you would think I sound like one of those fucking blonde bimbos. I literally just told you where I was all day. Want to see the times on my notes on my iPad? I don’t know who he was fucking earlier and frankly, I don’t give a shit,” I yell back at him. “And when did I tell you I was in love with you?”

  “This is a fucking nightmare.” He rubs his face and starts pacing the living room.

  “That is it.” I sigh and sit down.

  “Ever since you saw him, you’ve changed. Not only towards me, but you’re more confident and speak your mind a lot more, clearly he’s good for you,” he says the last part sarcastically.

  “You’re the one who changed when we met him. You’ve been a dick to me ever since that day. How do you think it’s making me feel? I’m losing the one person I never wanted to lose.” At this point, I break down.

  “You were swooning over him and were smitten from the first time you saw him, and you blew me off to hang out with him the first chance you got.”

  “I just followed your advice, you’re the one who fucking told me to go out and get laid, ‘the first opportunity I get’ you said and then what? You decided that because I’m your friend I can’t be with anyone else?”

  “I know what I said,” he says calmly pinning me to the couch with his gaze.

  “Then why are you so fucking mad at me if you know what you said.”

  “You still don’t get it.” He sighs.

  “Clearly not. I must be too stupid to decipher all yours, Valentine’s and Matt’s secret bullshit.”

  “Don’t you dare.” He looks at me with so much rage that I can actually see the tendons in his neck popping out.

  “What?” I stand up, facing him.

  “Let me be clear with you since you don’t fucking understand and don’t even remember me telling you. I’m in love with you. I have been for as long as I can remember. One day I woke up, saw you and knew I have loved you since my first glance of you. I saw you that day. At first glance, I knew you were my One. I’ve wanted you ever since, but you weren’t interested in me so I buried my feelings. It’s been over ten years and it has fucking killed me each time you dated a guy. I knew things wouldn’t go far with Adam, you weren’t happy with him from day one and it showed, but fuck I was mad whenever you weren’t with me. I spent countless nights wondering if you were thinking about me but I didn't want to smother you so I backed away and let you date him, always hoping he'd fuck up and you'd realize he wasn't right for you. Th-”

  “But you were supportive of Vincent.” I look at him confused.

  “You think? I was fucking raging. When you came here and told me that Adam cheated on you, I was so fucking happy that you’d be staying at my place, but then you moved out. The day you told me you were moving out was the day I was going to finally tell you how I truly felt. I’d had enough of cowering away. It was killing me. I wanted to fucking handcuff you to my bed and stop you from leaving me. I wanted to keep you with me, but I couldn’t force you and you were so excited to move. I had to wait for you to open your eyes and see how I felt about you, like everyone else could. And then you were all over Valentine the moment you saw him, I saw red and the rage I’ve been feeling ever since that day hasn’t cooled, it’s only gotten worse. I’m hurting because I love you but it’s unreciprocated. You never saw me as anything more than your best friend, the one who’s there for you during good and bad. I still want to be there for you during those times, but I want to be so much more. I can’t be just your friend anymore. I’m sorry. I can’t think straight when I’m around you, I want to be with you but we keep fighting. I can't stand arguing with you anymore. I wish we could go back to how we were before…” He sighs looking at me desperately.

  “There’s no way we could go back to the way we were before, not after this,” I say sadly. Come on Haven, you have been waiting to hear that confession for ten years and the best you can do is that? Shock be damned, grow some lady balls!

  “I figured.” He sighs and sits on the couch, hanging his head in his hands.

  I sit next to him and rub his back. “What happened to your ribs?” I kiss his shoulder and rest my head on it. “Lover got too rough?”

  He scoffs.” I haven’t been with anyone since you moved back in with me, Have.”

  “What? What about that sl-”

  “She was a client. I was being a dick that night, it was all planned. I texted her while you were still chatting to the dipshit and asked her to call me baby to get a reaction out of you, to see if you felt anything other than friendship.”

  “Why didn't you mention anything before? It's been a while since that happened.”

  “Because every time we were around each other or talking, we’d end up fighting about it or about Valentine.”

  “You’re fucked up.” I shake my head.

  “You’re only noticing it now?”

  “No.” I sigh.

  “I got a tattoo.” He rubs his face. It takes me a second to realize what he’s saying.

  “Show me.” I say, my voice trembling. I know already what he had tattooed.

  He gets up and peels off his plaster to reveal something I never thought I'd ever see. When we were younger we each drew half of a butterfly; I drew the dark side and he drew the angelic side of it. We always joked how we’d get each other's half tattooed at one point, but never did. Now, looking at what he’s just revealed a tsunami of emotions wash over me. A dark and tormented evil half butterfly now covers his left ribs. I look between his face and the tattoo, feeling utterly speechless. “Say something,” he whispers, taking my hand.

  “I…I don’t know what to say Spencer.”

  “Do you feel anything for me?” He squeezes my hand.

  “I…”

  “I get it.” He lets go of my hand. “You can let yourself out.” He walks away from me. I feel my heart ripping into pieces.

  “Wait.” He stops in the hallway. I walk to him and turn him face me. “I’m more confused than a chameleon in a bag of skittles right now, but I l-”

  “Yes?” Spencer asks expectantly.

  “Oh God.” I sigh and face plant his chest, breaking down crying.

  “Haven, what’s wrong?” I shake my head and cry into his chest as I realize the full impact of what’s going on. It’s getting too much for me to handle and all of the emotions I’ve been hiding for these past couple of weeks finally surface. “Good tears?” He asks and I nod. “Thank fuck!” He squeezes me and kisses my head.

  Yes, they are good tears, but I’d be lying if I weren’t scared of losing my everything.

  We stand in each other’s embrace for what seems like forever. When we pull away he looks at me, with both happiness and fear in his eyes.

  “I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same.” He kisses my forehead.

  “Same back at you.” I chuckle nervously and wipe away my tears.

  “I can’t believe this.” He smiles and walks me to the couch before sitting down and pulling me on top of him. “How long have you known?”

  “Probably around the same time as you, I knew I wanted more, but I only really realized that I was in love with you a couple of days ago.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because you were acting like a dick and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”

  “I know, I was scared of that too. So much to lose,” he whispers, more to himself.

  “That’s why I stayed quiet. You’re my everything. If I lost you I wouldn’t have anyone.”

  “We’ll make it through. I promise.” He smiles his dazzling smile and I melt.

  “Oh, so sure of yourself, huh?” I poke his chest.

  “Yes. We know each other’s good, bad and ugly and I still love you. We now know why we've been fighting so much and acting strange.”

  “Hey! You were the one acting strange.” I glare at him.

  “No. You were too.”

  “Huh, how
so?” I look at him confused.

  “You were more open, confident and outgoing.”

  “Those are good things, you were an ass.”

  “I know. I just thought it was Dickwad who was making you like that.”

  “No, it was you and the realization of how I felt.” I shrug.

  “I still can’t believe it.” He beams.

  “Neither can I. What were the odds?” I chuckle.

  “Everybody seemed to know we’d end up together.”

  “True, worst is that Matt told me earlier how you felt but I couldn’t comprehend it, or maybe I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it.”

  “What made you fully understand?” He asks as he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “The tattoo.” I sigh happily and look at it again.

  “I told you I’d get it done one day. I always keep my promises.”

  “I see that. When did you get it done?”

  “This afternoon.”

  “After you wrote me that awful letter.” I frown.

  “If I couldn’t have you in my life, then I figured this way I’d have a part of you with me forever.” He shrugs.

  “You’re fucking insane, but that’s kinda romantic.” I smile and cuddle into him but immediately back off when he winces.

  “It’s a bit sore.”

  “Sorry.” I grin sheepishly. “It’s beautiful though.” I sigh happily.

  “She really did it justice.” He smiles and looks at me.

  “She?” I raise my eyebrow.

  “Oh shit, here we go.” He chuckles and rubs his face.

  “Yes, so, tell me about her.” I press him, playfully.

  “She is the one who’s done all of my tattoos.”

  “Oh! Ellie.” I smile. “I like her, she’s cool.”

  “She is.” He chuckles. “So, what do you think about moving back in here? Yes? Awesome.” He grins.

  “Don’t jump the gun too fast. I love my apartment.”

  “I know you do, but come on, it doesn’t beat this house.” He waves his arm around at the space around us.

  “It kinda does.” I grin.

  “How so?” He frowns.

  “I love it and it’s me, you said it yourself.”

  “Yeah, I just wanted to make you happy, this place is the real you. Your stuff is already lying around all over the place and your apartment doesn’t have me.” He shrugs.

  “No it doesn’t, but I do have a nice view and the location is perfect. I can walk to work as well.”

  “And you’re close to Valentine.”

  “Oh for fuck’s sake, Spencer! Stop it with him. I. Love. YOU! Get that in your thick skull. What do I have to do to fucking prove it?” I sit up straight, already annoyed with him after only five minutes of us admitting our feelings. What a good start.

  “There’s one thing.” He smirks as he pulls me into his lap to straddle him.

  “And what is that? Please tell me so it’ll shut you up, at least for a few minutes.” I cross my arms over my chest and his eyes, as always, zero in on my boobs. “Up here, Spence.”

  “Not even sorry.” He grins smugly.

  “So?” I press him.

  “We haven’t kissed yet.” For some reason I become extremely shy.

  “I…Uh…”

  “Am I that repulsive?” He makes a disgusted face and manages to make me smile and relax.

  “It’s just…it’ll be the turning point to us. There won’t be any going back after this.”

  “Babe, we’re already way too far gone. No matter what we do now we’ll never go back to how we were in the past. And if I’m honest, I don’t think I’d want to.”

  “I know, neither do I, it's just scary.”

  “I'm scared too, but here we are, in love and able to openly admit it, we just gotta seal the deal.” He waggles his eyebrows and grinds into me.

  “Seriously? Is sex the only thing you have on your mind?”

  “I haven’t had sex since you broke up with Adam. It’s been a while now. I have needs and I have your lady parts pressed against my dick right now. Sorry if that does something to me…Actually, you know what? I’m not sorry. I’m so fucking hard and ready for you. All you need to do is say when.” He smirks.

  “Pervert.” I chuckle and go to slap his chest but he grabs my hand and maneuvers us on the couch so that he’s lying on top of me.

  “And damn proud. Tell me if you want me to stop.” He inches dangerously close to me. I wet my lips, anticipating this kiss. I’ve wanted this for over ten years. I’m more than ready. His gaze wanders from my lips, to my eyes and back to my lips. Unfortunately, I can’t physically pull him down to me. He licks his lips, making me want to be the one doing the licking. We stare at each other for what feels like forever before he closes the gap between us and seals our fate.

  He brushes his lips over mine softly. I shiver in anticipation of what’s to come. He alternates between soft kisses and gentle nips on my lower lip, causing tension and passion to build up inside me. I feel like I’m going to explode if he doesn’t stop with this teasing.

  After what seems to be an eternity but was just in reality a few seconds, he deepens the kiss and I feel like an electric shock sparked through my body. He slowly releases my hands and I wrap my arms around him, holding him flush to my body as he deepens the kiss even further. You know that one kiss, the one that’ll make you forget your own name, the one that’ll ruin you for anybody else, the one that makes you sure that he’s The One? That’s this kiss.

  I lick his bottom lip, getting bolder the longer we kiss. He opens his mouth slowly and he caresses my tongue with his, alternating that with soft, gentle sucking on my lower lip and the occasional nibbling. The intensity is overwhelming. I never expected things to be like this with Spencer. I always thought it’d be awkward but this feels so natural.

  All too soon he breaks the kiss and grinds into me, making me understand that we need to stop or he’s going to take things further. I want him so much, but I’m not sure this is the right time to take the next step.

  “You’re fucking perfect,” he whispers in a raspy voice.

  “How so?” I blush kissing his chin.

  “The kiss, your body, your personality, everything.” He sighs happily.

  “Right back at you, Love.”

  “Our bodies do fit quite well together.” He smirks grinding into me as a moan escapes my lips. “Yep, they do.” He chuckles.

  “No point in me denying the obvious.”

  “So true.” He smiles and kisses me softly. “Will you be my girlfriend?” He smiles sheepishly.

  “I’ll have to think about it.” I shrug casually.

  “You’re such a bitch.” He chuckles and nuzzles my neck.

  “I know, but this bitch loves you. And yes. I’d love to.” I kiss his forehead.

  “Thank you. You’ve just made me a very happy man.” He sighs happily.

  “You’d think you just asked me to marry you.” I chuckle.

  “Not yet, but you can expect it soon though. That’s if you’ll still want me by then.” He chuckles nervously.

  “Why would you say that?” I look at him in confusion.

  “You know I don’t want kids and you do.” He shrugs.

  “Dude, we just got together after fighting for weeks. We’re miles away from having the kids talk.”

  “I know, but I know down the line you’ll want them and I probably won’t.” He looks at me with a worried expression.

  “If you don’t then we’ll get more pets.”

  “You’d be willing to sacrifice kids just to be with me?”

  “I always thought I’d have the husband, the white picket fence house, the two-point-five kids, a nine-to-five job and would always be sexually frustrated. I never thought I’d have the one person who makes me truly happy, but I do now. The rest doesn’t matter anymore. We’ll see how things go. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the one who changes their mind and wants kids.” I
shrug.

  “You really mean that, don’t you?”

  “Of course I mean it.” I smile and kiss him again. “Besides, if we don’t have kids, we can still have fur babies.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I love you. I just want to be with you, the rest doesn't matter.”

  “I want to be with you too.” He smiles his perfect smile.

  “Good.” I sigh happily.

  “You’re my sacred haven.”

  “Cheesy.” I laugh.

  “Ohh shh. What I was trying to say is that I was living life thinking I’d never be happy unless I had you. I was okay with it for a while, but I never expected things to take such a crazy turn for us and I most certainly never expected you sharing my feelings. My perfect, stubborn woman.”

  “Here I am.” I grin. “You’re alright I suppose, I think I’ll keep you.” I grin and hug him.

  “You always have to ruin my serious moments.”

  “Life is already too serious as it is.”

  “So true.” He kisses my head before looking up at the sky and mouthing thank you.

  I guess today was a good Monday after all.

  CHAPTER 20

  I wake up slowly, feeling way too hot and pressed against something hard. At first, I assume I’ve fallen onto the floor in the middle of the night, but when the floor actually moves and moans underneath me, I shoot up.

  “What’s wrong, Love?” A very sleepy Spencer says, scaring me to death.

  “Nothing.” I sigh in relief and cuddle back into him.

  “There must be something wrong, you looked scared.” He caresses my back before pulling me closer to him.

  “I kinda forgot I fell asleep in your arms and thought I had fallen out of bed in the middle of the night and stayed there, when you moved, you scared me.” I chuckle and hide in his neck.

  “Thank for forgetting, I appreciate it,” he says sarcastically.

  “Spence, I’ve never slept so well that I actually forgot where I was. It was the best night of sleep I’ve had in such a long time. It erased all the fuckedupness from the past couple of weeks.” I smile at him.

  “Good. It was good to finally have you in my arms for a full night. Just wish we had gone upstairs, my back is fucking killing me.” He groans and rolls us over on the couch so we’re on our sides, facing each other.